Category: Dating and Relationships
What sorts of things are involved in S&M? Do people really enjoy inflicting and receiving pain? Do you really use whips and things to beat each other up with? Does the person on the receiving end actually keep begging for more? Wouldn't this be considered abuse or something? I don't get how that works, seeing as I've never been into that sort of thing. Anyone know anything about this topic?
--Allie
well, I did read somewhere that it needs to be done right in order to achieve the desired results. I guess for some it's a bit like the pleasure pain theory, ya know, in order to get the pleasure ... grin. personally I can't imagine why anyone would actually enjoy having pain inflicted on them, I guess you could see it as abuce, but the difference is that it is generally carried out between consenting people, and I imagine that it's the receiver of the pain who gets the pleasure from it? although if the inflicter of the pain also gains from it, then this could be subject to abuce as a partner might talk another into allowing him/her to do it to them in which case it is definitely abuce. personally I think that if you can't enjoy being together physically without the aid of external devices such as whips, chains, handcuffs etc there is something lacking in the relationship.
I agree wholeheartedly.
Restraining either with handcuffs or a leather harness,grin..whipping with paddles a leather whip or both...suspension from hooks in the breasts is popular hmm in some cases blood drinking for the vampiric S&M er's punishment dominantion and humiliation which can go to one's head smile...riding by which I mean treating the person like a horse they do indeed wear a bit and you can treat them well or otherwise depending on what they desire..but everything you do has to be consensual, you both agree on a word which warns your partner that you have reached the limit they should stop straight away ..though I have met some who are none to keen on the word Stop!
SB ..if S&M is forced on anyone its a breach of trust and an arrestable offence... as some forms of S&M, can result in death, if the consenting adults, aren't experienced and respectful towards each other. Whipping on or near the kidneys, can cause serious injury and/or death, as can certain forms of restraint or domination. It is dangerous and as for the pain, I find it very cleansing,as you are loaded with adrenalin, the effect is rather like that of good coke, the pain is deep and very exhilerating we find S&M, to be one of the most pure experiences,you can have, with a trusted human being...
UM BUT, HOW CAN YOU GAIN EXPERIENCE AS INEXPERIENCE CAN BE HARMFUL
You psyche yourself up and go to a club, where you can be sure, the people are experienced and know how to inflict pain without endangering your life....
Why is it hard to understand that some people react differently to pain than others?
I guess goblin has answered this one nicely though.
Nothing like a little pain to get the adrenal glands going.
I'm not certain why "abuse" was brought into this. Certainly if someone tries to inflict pain on another individual without their consent, that's assault of a kind and *not* S&M, which is a shared consensual activity between two or more people.
Because pal some psycho-sadists, take great pleasure, in going too far and inflicting more pain than their unsuspecting partner was expecting. Quite often these crimes go unreported due to a fear of discrimination by police, and some abused individuals are gay ect, they have more to loose by being exposed...there are some real extremists in the S&M world so its hardly surprising that this abuse exists...
Well, I think maybe it’s because people have such differing views on what they would or would not allow, or what would, or would not turn them on. After all, there are some people who might think that what someone wouldn’t allow is strange, for example, some guys might find it strange and unbelieveable if a girl was not happy to give oral pleasure for instance, and yet some girls just don’t like it and wouldn’t do it. or say if someone did not like a certain sexual position. It doesn’t make it right or wrong, it just means that we all have different boundaries and preferences and that if you are with the right partner, he/she would respect that. I think that with S&M it is slightly different for some because people just cannot understand why anyone would enjoy having those kinds of things done to them. Personally I could never go in for that but in my view as long as all parties involved are consenting then each to their own.
Right, but it doesn't need to be different. I think it's all right and proper for people to be curious..in fact it's quite justified...but it seems that people make the mistake often of thinking that if they don't enjoy the idea of something, it must be strange, freakish or somehow suspect.
Or perhaps I'm merely reading too much into this thread. :D
The reason people create these excuses is simple, they are trying to dampen the feelings of curiosity and arousal from being tied up, whipped or restrained, they are disgusted by the sensation of being in leather restraints and/or metal handcuffs ect, the arousal scares them and they wish to purge themselves of every single sexual thought.
no definitely not arousal, but scary perhaps. i like to think that I'm always in control, and yeh i know what you're perhaps going to say, that if the relationship is a strong one, and that you are in control because if you want it to stop then it will, but personally the thought of being restrained is one I couldn't handle. I would want to get up and walk away at any time, I think anything sexual should be loving as well as pleasureable, for all parties. Adnd I think people do find it strange because it's some thing that is perhaps a little apart fom the norm, again .. each to their own ...
Well goblin, I don't think it's that everyone has a repressed desire to be beaten or sexually humiliated. It is not the sort of thing that should appeal to everyone, and I'm not talking just puritans versus liberated thinkers here.
Pain has been mentioned quite a bit and right or worng however not really touched on the sensations. Now I'm only going from things I've read but it appears that the items can alternate from ice to candle wax feathers to bristles or whatever. I wonder if it's not the unexpected, the excitement and the aniticipation that keeps this S&M thing alive. I suppose as in any relationship there is room for abuse but if a partner is abusive they don't need the cover of S&M to be so. So in a round about way I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's about extremes of feeling, communication and trust. It appears that those who are often in control at work enjoy not to be so in other areas of their lives so use S&M to that end.
Lol some people seem to find it sexy being dominated i guess. It's sick to me but each to their own I guess Lol and spanking hmm Lol
H.O.M you have over reacted and taken what I said completely out of context...when you are being whipped your partner is not allowed to draw blood, or cause bruising, though some postively crave that, it is illegal and assualt..or GBH...not once did I advocate beating a person who wishes to be whipped...get a grip...
..............
Earth_Princess Your right also S&M, is an integral part of the Goth scene.Many high powered people such as politicians, lawyers, judges and doctors, enjoy being completely dominated by a woman or man, it gives them a sense of release that they cannot find anywhere else...if S&M was abolished or forced underground where would these people go and what would the implications be for the curious ones who are starting out...
I think S&M is really interesting!!! Learning why people like such things was something that always interested me. I think that I am more of a gentle person, who likes it "nice and slow" without any pain being afflicted on me. But I would like to try it once just to see what it's like. I'm all for experiencing things but it has to be with someone I know and trust!!!
*sexy*
Ah ha! a curious soul that's how I started out ..well you would only need to tell your partner what you wanted and he /she would oblige,thought S&M without pain, is a new one on me..smile
what about bondage? you know just tying someone up so they can't move? Can't that just be satisfying?
Although I'd say it's not sadomachism then, but just bondage?
Another curious soul :)
Bondage is very satisfying to many who like abandoning themselves to the will of another, they also like the sense of not being in control,and the adrenalin rush that always happens when people are tied up ect...you have to relinquish yourself totally and not many people can do this in everyday life...though just being tied up with nothing else on the menu, does become very boring after a while...
A lot of it has to do with the addrenalin and the lack of control. That makes certain people really excited and really horny. It has to be consentual. I haven't inflicted pain on anybody and I don't plan to. However, I've handcuffed girls and played ice games with them etc. That can be very fun and they really get off on the sudden changes. For example, I'll be very general with this statement but just use your imaginations... If you are using an ice cube on a certain area and then suddenly replace that ice cube with your tongue etc, the change in temperature makes them very sensative which can make them have an orgasm faster and longer. But you have to do it right!
Wow, it's kind of weird to see this topic dragged up from ages ago. LOL. It was also pretty interesting reading about everyone's views on this subject. I'm not sure I'll ever try inflicting pain on anybody or have it done to me, but who knows? There's a first time for everything, I suppose.
Well, first of all I have this to say: consent, consent, consent. It's the name of the game. As far as bondage goes I can see where it might be interesting or enjoyable for some people.Roll playing, exparimenting with differnt positions, techniques, materials, etc I'm sure could be very enjoyable. You'd have to trust someone very much to allow them to do something potentially painful to you, but again, that is why consent and mutual trust would be key. I suppose that a small degree of pain could be considered to be just another of the many sensations, pain, pleasure, heat and cold, exhiliration and excitement, abandonment and dominance, that are a part of sexual intercourse. However one has to fix clearly in their mind, and be sure that they know their partner's mind, on how much discomfort constitutes pain. For example, it could be as mild as the pain of straing against restraints, the muscle strain of a taxing position, the slight pain that increased rhythm or intensity might cause, or it might be more extreme, very firm even bruzing pressure, biting, pinching, or crushing force. Although I have no experience in any of this I can surmise that my tastes would be moderate. I have a reasonably high threshhold of pain, and am very adventurous in many things, types of food and music, the people that I befriend, the ideas I try on for size, but deep down inside of me as a reasonably conservative nature paired with a need for gentleness, care and true affection. I do believe that each person is different, in their preferences, threshholds of pain, and their perceptions of sensation, however I do have to recognize that s and m would make it very easy for a naturally abusive or disturbed individual to further their obsessions and tendencies, and to abuse another person. I think it's all a game of risk asesment, coupled with choosing the right partner. And that's all I have to say, as I'm starting to feel awfully preachey on this topic.
hmmm. I don't know why my last post appears three times in a row... Anyways, yes. Consent is a must in those situations and you have to trust each other.
*shudders* its not my thing at all...i'm with rachel on this one.
This is a very intresting topic, but I would only do what is asked of me. I don't care for s and m.
It wouldn't be my thing because beeing restrained brings back painful memories of my eye operations. Beeing beaten brings much more painful memories of beeing beaten as a little girl.
I don't like unnecessary pain in general.
I also prefer total equality with my partners.
If other people like it, I respect that however.
Maria.
I forgot to mention that even though I don't like most aspects of bdsm, I find the thought of ice and then a tongue on cirtain parts of the body and rol playing rather appealing.
Also for those of us who are just curious and want to know more, but don't wnat to go into the life stile to find out here is a site that I came upon and found rather educational. most things put me off however, but it's good to know more non the less.
www.bdsm-education.com there is a dash between words bdsm and education in the url.
It encludes things like bdsm dictionary and general info.
If you do visit the site, go to site map section as not all of the links are on the main site, but as far as I know they are all included in the site map.
Enjoy.
Maria.
Well, now that I read all the posts on this lovely topic, I will state my views. Personally, I have always been turned on by dominating a man, however, in this case, it's hard to find a man that is willing to do such things, and if there is one, he usually doesn't admit to it. secondly, I don't mind having the roles switched every now and then, but I will be honest, I don't mind the restraints so much, a bit of pinching, biting granted not too hard, I have always wanted to try nipple clamps... I love spanking, and I love hair pulling. Needless to say, if I am dominating someone I will only do what I love being done to me, because it's kinda a sense of respect for me, kinda like the whole treat others how you would like to be treated thing. I also don't mind very minor forms of humiliation, but I will leave that up to the immagination, wink wink.
Since I'm pretty new here, I am spending a lot of time reading these messages. One of the best books I've ever read about sado-masochism is "nine and a half weeks: a love affair." by Elizabeth McNeal (not sure of the spelling of her last name. If you can't find it, I have a text version I could let you have. Another book about this sort of thing is "The Story of O" don't know the author. It's supposed to be a classic in the s&m gang. I tried to read it but couldn't get very far.
Okay, did you notice how I neatly avoided discussing my own perdilictions?
Thanks,
Blbobby
Yeah, doing the ice cube thing to a girl's breasts and pussy can be amazing!
S and M doesn't have to be so bad. partners must have a strong bond and comunication skills. I will post a good q and a about it when I get home. Each person has their own level. Some people love that much more than being held.
I'm looking for a possible S&M/ BDSM partner, anyone interested?
*cough* It sounds rather awful! I wouldn't want and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I don't like medieval slavelike treatment from before the 1860'S